Confessions of an Average Facebook User

I was reading an article somwhere in TOI .
The highest population in 2058 will be in
India ( Yay !!)
China
Facebook ( Clap Clap )


Life In Facebook is exciting indeed, however thanks to some people it has become more of Exhausting than Exciting..


These are just few aspects which really piss me off every single time, the extent of being pissed off can't be expressed in words...i feel like abducting the person,torturibg him/her the way he/she has been harassing me with his/her status messages and them amputating him/her.
Let me give u a insight into what goes into the great mind of a average facebook user


1) Those who put Ultra-sentimental status messages(SM) every now and then:
You must have surely come across some SMs( and have posted those SMs on your wall) like. "I am broke and the one who broke it can only fix it" or "tears from my eyes in which she gazed once".


Yawn !!! (I know its not polite but atleast its honest)


All I can say is, get a life(or atleast, spare mine),
 Just imagine, even,in the days of deepest gloom and despair, they don't forget to google "emotional/sentimental quotes" , and then Ctrl+C & Ctrl+V directly to their respective SM boxes.


2. Those who alway cry


OMG, I am badly fucked, my life sucks etc etc.


Serious suggestion: why just dont you jump from the 27th floor of any building and see what happens. you can always share your views thereafter at your very own comunity "mylifesucks@wesuck.com"


3. Those who use excessive high sounding english words in their SMs


Yeah, I am talking about those who write "scintillating,scintillating asteriod minim" instead of twinke, twinke little star as their SMs


Brother try your hands at GRE not on FB. apart from that, I sincerely hope that you screw these exams so badly that forget STANFORD, even SARLA BAI INSTITUE OF CERTIFIED SUCKERS deny you a degree.These guys deserve the standing ovation of my middle finger.


4. Those who keep optimistic SMs no matter what.


No matter whether they failed in 2 out of 5 exams or got 27.24%ile in CAT, their SMs will still be something like
"someday sun wil shine just for me and i will rule the world"
(ok ok, got it, you are talking about the DAY when India will win the WC football defeating BRAZIL 10-0)
or some thing like"I am just waiting for the right time and right place"
(Sure...Cya, next millenium on planet jupiter)


5. FB Application users. 
( Prayer time: Dear god, please confer me the golden oppurtunity of hanging these guys till death so that my soul can rest in peace)


a)Worst is DAILY HOROSCOPE Every morning, when I sign in my FB account, the 1st thing is their horoscope only.These people should be buried 11 feet under the ground ALIVE and while burring them, their daily horoscopes should be read loudly.



b)"XYZ has new answers to unlock" application. 
When you unlock these "do or die" rated questions, you will come across questions like
a. do you think XYZ should do laundry more often.
b. do you think XYZ should wear tight clothes.
c. do you think XYZ has a funny looking nose.
etc etc.....( 15-20 Qs like these)
I am damn sure, none of XYZ, me or you or, as a matter of fact, even the Aborigines of Western Australia are anyhow bothered about it.
What for these guys, well, nothing special, just rub their skin with sandpaper and then soak them in lemon juice.In between pull out their body hairs with a rusted pair of tweesers followed by fingernails and toenails. in the end burn them they are the real messangers of SATAN.


c) "How true is your love" application, when I played this game( or whatever it is), i got 98% (career best performance).I was smiling sheepishly coz it was true
30% for gargi
20% for neha 
35% for swati
13% for shruti
When I was a kid my mom use to tell me that there will one such beautiful day when someone very special will land up in your empty heart and will make your life worth living.But this smile was short lived coz when girls play the same game( or whatever it is) and get the same score, they also smile sheepishly as it is true for them also
30% from vineet
20% from sonu 
35% from Rajesh 
13% from anil
"please note that dese days, vineet, sonu, rajesh,anil can be replaced by vineeta,sonia, rajeshwari and anita also.....changing times u see"


and by the way,what role i play in Facebook...well...i am just a facebook stalker who is 24*7 hours online, rarely comes up with any updates but keep himself abreast with all the updates around.In short, Active Nonparticipating Facebook user...

Sinfully Single !

Draped in my favourite Black Tee and faded jeans, Put on my favourite Deo,combed my hairs 45th time and checked myself again in front of the mirror for one last time. Rating myself 20 on 10, I eventually geared myself up to meet the fairy of my dreamland *******( Keep on Guessing )

Was waiting for her near Baristaa , with a “U R THE ONLY ONE FOR ME” card and few Ferraro Rocher chocolates. It’s been the 10 minutes of sheer excitement and desperation with lot of things going across my mind (typical guy I am, Supremely Nervous yet excited ).

Anyways, she finally arrived and did I mention how gorgeous she looked. She was wearing those ultra simple Salwar Kurta with her hairs flowing in tandem with each of her steps. She reminded me of those classic khajuraho sculpture whch they show in movies .

She came closer to me, said, you are so cute and brushed a kiss on my cheeks. Thereafter I took her to one of the coziest (and costliest) of the restaurants to have our candle light dinner.....

blah blah blah blah

Yes u got it, its has never been my story but this has been the story I have watching a lot around these days. Sometimes it’s so frustrating to see this that I feel like joining Bajrang Dal or Shivsena and then do all those patak patak kar pitaai to all those new bees

Well my story is like yours. I am single and probably romantically challenged. My story has been of a guy who is standing in the platform of a railway station where lot many trains arrive and go. Though I am quite choosy about the peculiar train I am looking for, I must say whenever I choose a train that train always gives me a waitlisted status which never gets confirmed in due course of time. Sometimes there have been circumstances when I just felt that this time it may get confirm, but then suddenly in the last moment some guy with VIP quota grabs my seat. Worst is the Taltkal ticket holders, who come to the station the very last moment, make extra investments that you can’t afford and then swipe your seat just below your feet. In  a way trains never come on the platform we stand on.

However, being single is not that bad. It has its own perks...Whenever I see a new train coming, more elegant and blissful, I feel glad that I didn’t take the last train. Adding to that, it feels good that still, all the trains are equally available to me. Needless to mention, these days passengers and trains are changing each other so frequently that you just don’t know that when you are going to hit the jackpot.

But since this is life and my train is like super late (probably derailed), I have decided that I will check out all the trains that are coming across. I will also fix my eyes on following facts :

1. Which passenger gets which train 

2. Which train is carrying more than ne passenger at one time with both the passengers unaware of each other

3. Will do a SWOT Analysis

4. Which passengers have more than one confirmed seat and which seat they finally take?

PS: what a crap .... Happy Bachelor Life !