Fear of Public Speaking

'The human brain starts working the moment you are born and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.'

Public Speaking is something most people ( including me ) fear of. Feet start to tremble and Sweat glands start releasing salty water from unknown pores in the body.
Even a thought of speaking/Talking/Singing in front of people brings butterflies in the stomach.
My fear of Public Speaking has a very long history and has grown on me over the years.
But two incidents are the main culprits i would say for nurturing, developing and creating my fear of Public Speaking.

Incident 1:
It was a Inter College Cultural Fest at a Friend's college.I was all excited as i was participating in the Solo Singing Category at the Cultural Fest. Many Colleges from our city were also participating.
I had started practising for the event really hard. In College, At Dance Classes, at Friends Place. Only thing in my mind was to bring out the SINGER inside me, A fire was burning inside me, The Talent inside me has to come out...Whole world will have to sit back and take notice of my Singing Genius.
WOHOOOOOOOOOOO....MY TIME HAS FINALLY ARRIVED

Platform was laid, Stage was Set. Many Colleges from all around the state are participating. Whole city is going to be there. Once in lifetime opportunity to get noticed by girls all around the city. Once in a lifetime opportunity not to have a lame excuse for scoring low in Exams, Once in a Lifetime Opportunity to be FAMOUS.

I was all pumped Up.
Finally the day arrived. Decided to give boring starting inaugural speech by the director a miss. I was all dressed up for the occasion . Reached the college an hour late. College was decorated Everybody around were in  groups some were busy practising, some bird watching . I decided to take a leisurely walk around the college.
The Cultural festival was packed with academic and cultural inter-collegiate ... College fashion was always distinctively fun, fresh and inventive. Girls were painted with tonnes of layer of make-up and boys were acting strangely stupid to get their attention.
Fest started off with a debate competition, followed by skit and dance competition. Finally Solo Singing Competition were announced. Participants were asked to come backstage. i coolly went backstage . A dark Skinned Guy was announcing the names of the contestants from each college.
To my Horror my name was not in the List. He told me maximum three contestants were allowed from each college and they have already received names of three contestants from my college.
I took the list from him
1) Abhishek Pal      B Tech (Mechanical)
2) Supriya Ghosh    B Tech (IT)
3) Priya Arora        B Tech (Electronics)

I decided to act smart and removed Electronics Waali ka naam from the list.
( It was Later that I came to know that she was a SA RE GA MA PA contestant and also girl friend of my class mate !!! )
So I am the third contestant.
I've been in the choir of my school since the fourth grade, and was very confident of my INDIAN IDOL talent.

Orchestral music started playing. Bands were practising...
1000 Watts of noise...

Dham Dham Dham...DhinChak DhinChak !!!

Suited booted Host announced my name 'Please welcome Manu Prakash Pandey from BBD Lucknow. He will be singing Kal Ho na Ho Title Track'
Suddenly there was a pin drop silence everywhere. Crowd of more than 2000 all of a sudden went in Coma. It appeared as if final semester results has been announced and everyone has failed, in between there were a few groups doing routine khus phus. Every single gaze were fixed on the stage.
I did not expected such a good audience and their silence was very confusing.
I made a hesitant entry on the stage, Checked the mike and asked to orchestra bandwala to start music only after i finish the opening Lines.
I could not believe that these creatures in crowd could generate this eerie silence. Silence however did not lasted long a Section of the crowd started clapping. Some Colleagues and friends decided to welcome me .
It actually Boosted my confidence.
I felt like i am the some singing czar and decided to open out a way for the imprisoned splendour within me to escape.

'Har Ghadi Badal Rahi hai Roop Zindagi...'
Before i could sing the next line...every single person in the crowd started clapping.
i got confused am i going that well.
'Chaav hai kabhi kabhi hai dhoop jindagi.'
Suddenly the crowd turned hostile, started hissing and booing.
Orchestra had started to play and i was not singing to the beat.
Due to Nervousness the Sonu Nigam and Kishore kumar inside me had abandoned the orchestra's rhythm, and were getting ahead or behind the beat at their own will.
Sur and Taal everything had gone for a toss.
I decided to wait for the euphoria to go down.
I waited they clapped ..... I waited they still clapped.

I was thinking 'Huh, what did I just do that was so funny?'
I believed I started off OK, and when it got bad it got really bad, like hilarious bad. ... My favourite part was when the crowd "hyped" up by singing the lines along with me.
I almost fainted and vowed never to sing in public again.

Incident 2:
Embarrassment came quite a bit closer  when I was on stage at the completion of our Technical Training in an IT MNC, finishing up sandwiches without aalus Cream rolls Without Cream at a small get together of around 100 odd training mates and faculties I Was sitting in the last row with lafander group cracking Sade hue fart jokes.
All of a sudden heard my name getting announced.
Front Bencher were calling my name, All the faces turned every single person had a devilish grin on their face.
'Arey yeh Kya hua'
What these Lowlifes Front Bencher want from me. cant they see a Backbencher Having fun.
Guess they had taken too seriously my comment
'A sleeping lion is stronger than a barking DOG'

My feet started to shake again. 100 Eyes fixed on u, capturing every single moment. Droplets of Sweat started to roll off my forehead
I reluctantly got up, took a Deep Breath and went up to the Stage.

The audience and I were in formal dress, The Fact that every single gaze was fixed on me made me more nervous I started off by thanking my faculties and sharing the not so great training time we had ( Wonder why IT people call Training as  Honeymoon Period )
Everything was going on smoothly , my hands were moving in perfect rhythm with what i was speaking. For a change I was not stammering and not forgetting what to say.

It was then that I noticed that my pants were unzipped.
What was worse, the audience noticed me noticing it.

I quickly put on a face of comic surprise, and everyone roared. Then, as the laughter died down, I leaned against the podium, nodded knowingly, and said: “Remember the the Lovely Time we spent together. Remember all the tips and tactics. But above all, remember that none of them mean anything . . . unless you remember to Zip your pants”.

I got a standing ovation. And for the rest of the evening, people were discussing whether or not I'd planned the whole incident.

NOTE: Names have been changed to protect the innocent and to hide identity :)

Ek Chotti Se Love Story

Clock Strucked 12. Alarm started to Ring loudly.I reached  my Flat and Rang the DoorBell, it was Pouring Like Hell Outside.
I was nervous,shivering and a wide array of thoughts running into my mind.
Drops of Sweat rolling off my Forehead. Fear was evident in my eyes...
'What if Baba Finds out? Maa will never forgive me.'
'Do Rajvinder,Jyoti and Alex already knew about this?'
'Shreya and her Parents ... What will they think.'
'What will Happen to Garima now?'
'My Career is Screwed'

I am never going to forget that night

1 Day Back
26th March 2012  CAFE COFFE DAY PUNE
'Where are the girls?' Rajvinder screamed on his S2.
I never really liked Rajvinder,His Carefree attitude towards life, his arrogance.
He came from a Rich Haryanavi family and always thought Money can get him anything
Respect Among friends,Girlfriend,Power....ANYTHING.
He was a stubborn Rick Kid and i am Glad i was not one of them  as Once these kids grow up and get pushed out of the womb into the real world, they’re screwed. Unless of course their parents are willing to tube feed them for the rest of their lives. Which in some cases does actually happen.

Lost in my own Thoughts...i felt a someone pulling my cheeks .... Aaaaaaah
'Kya Soch rahe ho Badnaam Shyaar' Garima Perked up.
'Hi Garima !' I Replied instantly. Sweet Smell of Rosy aroma filled the air.
Her Body Spray Frangrance has the Best Aroma. I Guess she uses roses,lily or whatever
I Always wonder how can a Girl Smell so good All the time.
Here its me Always Smelling Like a Rotten Dead Rat.I always wanted to Smell Just Right for Garima and always failed Misreably. My Fluids start flowing as soon as i come under the sun.

'I am all excited for tomorrow,Matheran is going to be fun... btw new Tshirt. Pocket Money aa gyi kya ghar se?' She Said
'Nopes i won't be able to come tomorrow...I ahve a Interview ...Shreya gifted me and i don't like it'
(She started smiling. Girls like guys disparaging other Girl. Guess this makes them feel better)
'Aachi hai na, i like it...Leave it what about your Interview call'
'Its scheduled for tomorrow'
'Wowie Kal Kaha Treat de rahe ho Phir Hume' She Blinked
'Let me Clear First' I retorted ( This was the fifth Interview call of this week. and i was not able to clear any of them.)
'Don't Worry Siddhartha, You are going to clear the interview this time.' She Smiled.
I smiled back. She is just what i need.I wanted to get up and kiss her perfectly Shaped lips .


'Wassup Bitch' Rajvinder's Husky Voice interrupted my Honeymoon thoughts.
Garima and Rajvinder are a Couple.But whenever Garima comes i always forget my not so great Stage 1 Friendship ( read aquintances) with rajvinder. Such is her Aura. So pretty Like Camilla Belle, So Vivacious Like Karishma Kapoor, So voluptuous just like Megan Fox , So Graceful Just Like Lady Diana. In Short...I am Completely Smitten With Garima. Unfortunately for me She also Likes Rajvinder.

I gave Rajvinder a nonchalant look then and directed my gaze on the Random Guys Checking out Garima.
Not their fault i said in my mind...even i do the same.
I decided to concentrate on my Cold Coffee.

Rajvinder and Garima Got Busy in their Matheran Trip Plan.
This was my main problem my The older I grow the more I like listening to people talking. Fact is i am unable to speak and express myself.

'Oy Sidharth...U not coming to matheran...y? Rajvinder tapped me on my shoulder
'Dude I have a Interview Call tomorrow'
'Abe Kyu ja rha hai ...Clear to Hoga nahi'
'Rajvinder Stop being so mean to him. He is trying and i am....' Garima Came in between
'You will not Understand Rajvinder. Sab paka Pakaya tere ko mil gya hai na' i raised my voice
This is why i hated haryanavi bastard. He had everything wat i needed including Garima and he loves to belittle me and embarrass me in front of her.

'Chal chor Dekh Liyo....Jyoti Alex and Shreya are also coming'
'Yeah i will try.' '
Suddenly my Mobile started Vibrating. It Was Shreya.
Shreya is from Mumbai and my Fiancee. We got engaged a week back. She is an MBA working with a Leading IT firm as a Business Analyst.She loves me a lot. I also believe I Like her. but unfortunately me and her agree on absolutely nothing.

I excused myself, Got out of CCD and picked up the phone.
'Hi Siddu'
'Hey Shreya'
'How was my Tshirt. u Liked it?'
'Yeah it was nice.' I replied coldly
'Thanks Siddu. BTW i will be coming for Matheran Tomorrow. Nisha is also coming'

TO BE CONTINUED...

Trip to Andaman !

Rahul 'the wall' Retired.
Countless blogs have been written heaping praises on Rahul's Dedication,Focus and Team man Spirit.
These few lines are also not going to be very different. If you hate Rahul Dravid You always have an option of closing the window/tab and surf Semi Nudes on TOI or may be stalk people on Facaebook or maybe Google 'Sachin Tendulkar' Records'.
Rahul accroding to me was greater than any tendulkar or ganguly if u talk of consistency , patience and Overseas records.
Generation coming may get blinded by the stats of some GREATS and probably will never realize the Impact of Innings played by Rahul Dravid on the Overall Outcome of the games.( Centuries too. Pun Intentional).
Countless times he has rescued INDIA when other STARS flopped. He scored runs in tough batting conditions and in overseas Tests that led to wins abroad, a phenomenon that till then had been pretty rare in Indian cricket.
Rahul according to me had still a lot of Cricket left in him. Just like Tendulkar century of Tonns or Bradman's average is impossible to emulate similarly filling Rahul's Number three position ( at least in INDIA) and living upto all the crazy expectations is next to impossible.

Mr Dependable You are Going To be Missed !

Sachin's Century of Tonnes.
INDIA lost to Bangaladesh. Still Whole India Celebrated. .
Don't want to start with the debate of INDIA losing whenever SACHIN scores. SACHIN is a Genius and a GOD's gift to Indian Cricket. I agree. But FACT still remains INDIA lost that match to Bangaldesh Thanks to Sachin Playing Slow for his hundred, Helped by some poor Indian bowling leading to something which surely wud have spoiled Sachin's Celebrations.
Trust me i am not a Random Sachin Hater who criticizes Sachin just to seek attention.

Life is getting Busy with every passing Day. Thanks To MBA and never ending Exams, i have missed Shaadis of very Close Friends. This Blog is not going to compensate my absence from your special day my Friend , neither is this a public apology for my absence. Trust me choosing between your marriage and *&%$#@! exams was a Toughie. I got Selfish and was blinded by the  "fear of Exams" :(
Hope you are going to be sensible and will understand my situation and not reciprocate the same actions :P
Everyone hates Exams. But My dear friend my absolute HATE for Exams has ten folded now.
Most importantly Your intentional silence over the issue makes me feel more miserable and i want to DIE. Off-course i don't like the idea of dying and if i do die too young , i hope i can accomplish enough things that makes you happy.

Titanic 3D Version is releasing  very soon. Leonardo Di Caprio is now a huge name in West, Kate Winslet is now less chubbier and more Rosier. But is this the reason enuff to watch the EPIC 'YET AGAIN' on the big Screen.
'Are they Going To See the ICEBERG this time Now that They are releasing it in 3D.'
Total Waste of Money , Time and resources If u ask me what this 3D version is.


Moving on to some more Serious Career Related Section.
Met a friend after a Long time...He Recalled his Horrid Office Story
I always believed Office is where boring people do boring stuff. Reading Files,signing documents, meetings and what not.
'His' brief stint at a company further personified 'my' belief.

" I never had any sky high expectations. But guess that also was a bit too much to ask for.
Office Guy can be a metaphor for a person who lacks in human characteristics like honesty,loyalty,emotions.
You always has to do 'Sir Sir' for the people higher in the food chain or else be prepared to get eaten.
If you are truly focused towards your career, office is going to be energizing and great fun. This is what i forced myself to believe. But you can't close your eyes forever and chase the ideals which don't exsist. Surroundings do takes their toll on you.
No matter how much u slog, no matter how many times u pass fake smiles whenever he passes, no matter how many times you have accepted the mistakes which were never yours at the first place.... BOSS is never HAPPY. ORGASM is what he expects but sadly you never last that long.
On a Lighter Note Some Times I feel like suing NAUGHTY AMERICA people for projecting an Office image to Indian Youth which is So far from Reality.  "  He Said.
( Above description is Not Mine. So don't jump the gun and get any wrong ideas. All Workplaces are not the Same :P )


Best thing that has happened to me in all these months probably is 'THE TRIP TO ANDAMAN'.
it has given me a reason to live till the next year. Can't Wait for 31 st December 2012 .
Far away from the 'Hoo Haa Hoopla' of the City, from the over crowded smoke filled Discs and Pubs, from Scantly Clad Girls and their Macho Boyfriends .... this New Year has to be different.
My First favour of the New year is to Gift myself 'Peace Of Mind'
Clean Air, Transparent Water, Coconut groves, Soothing Waves, Bright Sunshine. I Have not heard many things about Andaman. Last time i saw Andaman and Nicobar islands It was in my Geography Books.
And i am Serious about taking my Chances this Year. Anyone who wants to join the bandwagon can Always reach me on my cell.

Waiting for your Fair and insightful comments :D

Have a Great day Ahead....Tadaaaaa !!!